


Hold On

by RayneSummer



Series: Merlin - Episode Tags [8]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s01e04 The Poisoned Chalice, Gen, I'm so thrilled abt poison all the time, does Merlin count as a character since he's in a coma, dont even touch me about this episode, his feverish mutterings are there though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayneSummer/pseuds/RayneSummer
Summary: Gwen and Gaius look after Merlin as he suffers and worsens under the effect of the Morteaus poison..or: Between the scenes of 1.04
Relationships: Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin)
Series: Merlin - Episode Tags [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794352
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to write this for like. ages. Gwen and Gaius looking after Merlin is gold and I love it so much. and missing scene stuff is just. my jam. so.

After Arthur left, Gaius suddenly busied himself at the table again, pushing the book aside and looking through bottles.

Gwen, keeping one hand on the damp cloth against Merlin’s forehead, twisting to look around in confusion. “I thought you said there was nothing we could do?”

Gaius looked grimly up and directly at Merlin. “If we don’t lower the fever and ease his breathing, he may not even make it to receive the antidote,” Gaius replied, and his voice was level but terse. He was old, and experienced, and his hands didn’t shake as they searched for something to help, and if they did, then that was just a trick of the light.

He fetched the usual medicine kit and uncovered it on the table, searching through that as well, picking out a couple of bottles. Gwen flicked her nervous gaze between Merlin – who, now she was aware of it, was breathing with more difficulty by the second – and Gaius at the table, now mixing a couple of potions together, his brow scrunched in concentration.

“Oregano, peppermint, white willow.” Gaius seemed to be mostly muttering to himself, grinding some herbs together before adding them to a small bottle. He held it high for a moment, swirling it around, then turned and stepped to the bedside.

Gwen watched in worry as Gaius quickly pinched Merlin’s nose and tipped the concoction into his mouth before retreating and laying the hand that wasn’t holding the now-empty bottle flat on the boy’s chest, waiting.

Merlin managed to swallow, and gasped, brow furrowing even in unconsciousness. Gwen had frozen with the wet cloth halfway back to her friend’s forehead, and didn’t dare move as she also waited for whatever it was Gaius was looking for.

After a moment, Merlin took what seemed like a deeper breath, and Gaius moved his free hand to his forehead instead, leaving it there for a long minute. Then he sighed and removed it, straightening up and gesturing for Gwen to replace his hand with the cloth. Gwen obediently pressed the material back to Merlin’s forehead, wondering if there was a difference in the blazing heat she could still feel beneath it.

Behind her, Gaius sighed, and it sounded weary and worried.

“That’s all I can do for now.” He spoke tiredly, as if already resigning himself to the prospect of a future where Merlin didn’t make it. He moved back to the table and put the bottle down, but turned when Merlin suddenly panted and groaned quietly. Gwen looked back at Gaius in worry, question in her eyes. He sighed again. “I daren’t give him anything for the pain. Not yet, at least,” he admitted, though it looked like it was tearing him apart not to do so. “It might be helping him fight right now.”

Gwen grimaced but nodded, and soaked the cloth again before replacing it. “So what was that?” She asked, but it was more for conversation and distraction than anything.

“Oregano helps the lungs, ideally; willow is for fever. The peppermint should help both. And ease the taste, if he at all felt it,” Gaius added, trying to add a tiny bit of lightheartedness to the conversation. Gwen gave him a tense smile.

He’d moved to the end of the bed and knelt a little to pull off Merlin’s boots. “All we can do now is make him as comfortable as possible,” he said as he tugged off the second shoe and placed them on the floor. Then he straightened up and tugged lightly at the uniform tunic Merlin wore over his shirt, addressing Gwen, “Let’s get this off.”

A little hesitantly, Gwen carefully undid the thick belt Merlin had on over the tunic, leaving the cloth to soak in the bucket of cold water for a moment. Merlin didn’t respond as she pulled the belt out from under him and placed it on the floor before, with a practised hand (she was Morgana’s maid, after all), she gently manoeuvred Merlin’s arms out of the tunic and eased it over his head. The back of it was already soaked in sweat.

As she placed that next to the belt, Gaius pulled over a bowl on a stand. He poured some of the bucket water into it and soaked the cloth again, wringing it out.

“Could you put the clothes in his room, please,” he said quietly. Gwen nodded and slipped off the stool, crouching to gather up the belt, tunic, and boots. She hurried into what she assumed was Merlin’s room – she had never been in here, but now wasn’t the time to look around – and placed them on the end of his bed, then returned to stand at the bottom of the steps, biting her lip.

Gaius had laid the cloth back on Merlin’s forehead and was widening the neck of the boy’s shirt in an attempt to cool him. Then he picked up his wrist and frowned in worry. “Already worse,” he murmured, after a moment placing the hand back down and patting it in a fatherly gesture. “Oh, Merlin,” he sighed, and resoaked the cloth before pressing it back to the boy’s forehead as he weakly turned his head, but Gaius firmly held it there.

“You foolish boy,” Gaius said barely audibly, head bowed. Gwen swallowed. She felt like this was a tender moment she shouldn’t be encroaching. Luckily, she thought of something she had to do.

She stepped forward hesitantly, but with enough force on the stone that Gaius looked up expectantly. “I should go and check on Morgana,” She explained, glancing at the window. The feast would surely be over by now.

Gaius just nodded, and gave her a tight smile. “Of course. Thank you, Gwen.”

She managed a small smile. “I’ll come back, if I can,” she promised, and Gaius nodded again. He watched her quickly leave before looking back to Merlin, expression dropping. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Gaius stayed with Merlin as the night drew in, drawing up a chair to sit by the head end of the bed. He wetted the cloth countless times, wearily dragging it across the boy’s forehead as his fever raged. When his breath grew desperate, rasping dangerously in in his throat, the physician carefully trickled some of the previous herb solution into his mouth. It would work for a blessed few moments before the routine would start again.

It had already been close to midnight when the feast had abruptly ended, and now the hours continued relentlessly.

There was little change in Merlin’s condition as the night wore on, which was both good and not so. Fortunate that he was not worsening, but there was certainly no getting better either, even with the tinctures Gaius tried to supply.

Seconds felt like days, which was probably why Gaius was so surprised when Gwen arrived back just a short time after departing. It had felt longer while watching over the boy he had come to care for so fiercely in such a short time. Watching him struggle fruitlessly against a poison-induced coma that was sure to prove lethal if the antidote was not retrieved.

Gaius blinked up in surprise as the door was opened carefully but quickly, dragging his gaze away from Merlin’s pain-creased face. He glanced at the window and realised though it had felt long, the girl had barely been away for an hour.

She approached the bed hesitantly, having been hopeful despite the situation that something might have changed.

“Is nothing helping?” She asked despondently, already knowing the answer if the countless but unused bottles on the table were anything to go by. Gaius shook his head with a grimace, eyes flicking back down to Merlin as he let out a quiet groan, a pained frown encompassing his expression.

Gwen took a breath to compose herself. Her friend needed her.

“Here.” She drew up a stool on the other side of the bed from the other table nearby. “What can I do to help?”

Gaius glanced briefly up at her as he reapplied the soaked cloth to Merlin’s forehead, ignoring the wince he made at the contact except from automatically grimacing in response to the pain Merlin was obviously feeling.

“Morgana dismissed me for the evening to come and look after him,” Gwen explained, but her eyes were on Merlin’s pained gasps, brow constantly furrowed.

After a moment, she looked up in slight despair. It was a little difficult to see Merlin in such a situation. Ever since he had arrived, he seemed to bring brightness with him. Some days, she could see something behind his kind face, but whatever it was, he never let it affect his interactions with others. At least, not with Gwen. She had grown to look forward to greeting him in the castle halls every day as they attended their respectful jobs, sometimes joining together to wash their royals’ clothes or the like, chatting cheerfully while they worked.

Gwen had never been particularly lonely or sad working in the castle, but Merlin nevertheless dispelled those feelings anyway, offering help or advice whenever he could. Asking after her father; working with Morgana and even Arthur to prove her innocence.

There was a pause, then Gaius sighed, sounding weary already. “I’ll give him something for the pain,” he murmured as Merlin unconsciously tried to twist away from the cloth. Gaius gestured for Gwen to hold it there as he got up and headed over to the table with the medicines.

“I’m not even sure if this will help,” he continued, still sounding defeated, as he checked some bottles. “But it will only get worse, so keeping him as peaceful as possible in the early stages is crucial.”

Gwen nodded absently, keeping the cloth pinned to Merlin’s forehead even as it dried out much too quickly from the heat there.

She glanced up as Gaius approached with two bottles in one hand and a rag in the other. “I daren’t give him anything too strong,” he admitted, though it looked like it was costing him to keep to that as he looked down at Merlin’s struggle with the worry of a father.

He took the seat again, and opened one of the bottles, turning it to drizzle out onto the rag, then repeated it for the other. Gesturing for Gwen to take her hand off the cloth, he passed her the damp rag instead, taking the cloth and putting it back into the raised bowl of water.

“Put that under his nose for a moment,” Gaius instructed briefly, getting up and turning to put the medicines back before sitting down again, watching.

Gwen gently folded the rag and by his nose as told, with a sniff of her own and a frown of confusion. Frankly, the thing had a scent of something like a strong perfume. She couldn’t help glancing up at the physician in question.

“Rosemary and lavender,” Gaius replied absently to the unasked query. He was watching his ward closely, looking for any sign of improvement. “Natural oils for pain relief. Fairly mild, but hopefully it will have some effect…” He trailed off, expression tinged with sadness that he couldn’t offer something stronger that was guaranteed to work. But, in all honesty, nothing would definitely cause relief from this sort of pain.

The two sat quietly as Merlin’s breath caught a few times and he tried to twist away from the medicated rag held under his nose. But, after a tense moment, his expression visibly relaxed, just slightly.

“Is that good?” Gwen asked, anxious, as Gaius took the rag from her at the change. He nodded, but it was thoughtful as he regarded his patient.

Merlin was definitely quieting down, which was good on a surface level, but his breathing still came shallow and fast, and, using pressing his free hand against the boy’s forehead, Gaius grimaced again at the stubborn heat there.

“Here.” He stood and gestured at the raised bowl of cold water where the cloth was soaking. “Lack of pain may cause the fever to rise,” he explained in a warning tone.

Gwen nodded and quickly got up to round the bed and take Gaius’ vacated seat, retrieving the cloth and wringing it out slightly before bunching it a bit and dabbing at Merlin’s forehead. She cooled it again before repeating the action, still not sure whether to be relieved at the new stillness.

Gaius retreated to the table and eyed a few of the medicines. But, now Merlin was disturbingly quiet, the physician didn’t want to take anything further.

With a worried frown, he took a seat and pulled the book from earlier towards him, skimming over the same passages he had relayed to Arthur, which offered no more advice. There was more on the next page, but the moon gently lit the chambers where candles didn’t touch, and the silence beckoned.

Gaze moving between Merlin on the bed and the book where words weren’t forming right now, Gaius leant his head on a hand tiredly. The evening’s events had been exhausting.

Slowly, the physician slipped into a light sleep at the table, troubled but tired. Gwen continued the ministrations automatically, and found herself drifting too, just enough to prepare her for the days coming.

* * *

The morning sun woke Gaius quickly as its yellow rays stabbed through the window. He looked quickly at the bed, though from the brightness it couldn’t be more than a candle mark past dawn.

He hadn’t meant to sleep, but admittedly a few hours rest did help.

Merlin was as quiet as before, face still void of the pain that had first plagued his expression. Gaius walked over to stand quietly next to the bed, noting that Gwen seemed only half-awake, lax hand still determinedly holding the almost dry cloth against her friend’s forehead.

Gaius put a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder, giving it a kind pat as she roused more and glanced up, blinking.

It didn’t take her a second to remember her duty, and immediately turned back to Merlin, removing the cloth to soak it, wring it out, and ball it up to dab at his forehead, brow creased in concern. He shifted a tiny bit as the reviewed coolness.

With a grimace, Gaius stepped back, resolving to check the boy over soon, but first he headed to a small desk underneath the window where dull brightness was invading the room.

Setting to work with grinding together various herbs that may or may not help, he didn’t hear the first murmur from the bed. It was only when Gwen spoke up, voice tight with worry, that Merlin’s temperature was rising, that Gaius began to recognise the mumbling coming from the warlock.

Even as he sat on the stool and took the boy’s wrist with a concerned look at the pale face, registering a weaker beat than the day before, Gwen paused in confusion, and Gaius hoped with fear that this new issue would not bring about Merlin’s death outside of poison.

Now they had another problem to deal with, one that the serving girl, despite her clear dedication, could not be told – for everyone’s safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes it's midnight again and yes i looked up more herbs which was more difficult this time. apparently any herb can offer pain relief. since this isn't specific, i just went for something that fit.  
> i was going to finish the chapter at the break but immediately started writing more then remembered that it's 1am and as much as I'd love to, there's little need to explain the actual episode scenes deeply, so.  
> also idk why this took so long considering i love this episode and writing this has been good. i'm constantly thrilled abt poison.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to find the medicinal properties of Wolfsbane since it is, primarily, a poison also known as Aconite - which is one of the most toxic herbs, as Gaius himself says in 4x06. Already knowing this, I was confused and interested to eventually find out that when prepared carefully, extracts of some species can also be made into a tincture for lowering fever.   
> It also helps with pain, inflammation, high blood pressure, as a diuretic (increases kidney output), causes sweating, slows heart rate, and sedates. As a homeopathic drug, it's used to treat fear, restlessness, acute sudden fever (I feel that's the main thing we'll be going for here), and a few other interesting things.  
> So there's your herb lesson for today. Merlin's historic ideas are mostly correct, and it seems their medieval medicines are also mostly right. Good for them. As a medical person with intense love for history, I genuinely love this series and getting to find stuff like this out.  
> Despite this, do not go around trying Wolfsbane. Like I said, primarily a pretty toxic poison. Actually, just don't go around picking herbs and trying to use them. Modern day knowledge isn't like what we used to know.

Once Gaius had sent Gwen off to see if she could find the girl, he sat back by Merlin, watching the boy struggle to pant as he continued whispering words that were banned on pain of death. 

Deep down, Gaius already know the culprit would not be found in the dungeons with the rest of Bayard's entourage; sending Gwen out was more for Merlin's safety at this point. Gaius hoped his ward would quieten down soon in order to keep his secret safe, but in the meantime, even Gwen's heart of gold couldn't contend with Uther's reign if the serving girl figured out exactly what was happening. 

Worried about more than Merlin's current physical state now, Gaius absently wet the cloth in the water bowl and pressed it gently to the boy's pale face. He immediately twisted his features in unconsciousness, trying weakly to turn his head away from the coldness, a sure sign that his fever was still rising. And with the knowledge that he has barely half the time Gaius had first assumed, the physician felt the fear for his young ward growing.

The boy had only been in his life for a few months, but already there was such a difference - other than his particular influence on the prince, transforming the brash young man that immediately challenged a peasant in town to a mace fight into a more thoughtful young prince, in such as way that Gaius could see the king Arthur could perhaps become when the time came.

He had also caused such a change in Gaius' life, a less obvious one, but a clear one nonetheless. 

The old physician had lived a quiet life in his quiet chambers, other than the odd emergency from foolhardy knights (and princes), but the arrival of Hunith's son had brought more than a ward. It had also brought someone who needed guidance, and love, and acceptance. And Gaius hadn't realised how easily those things came back to him until they were needed. It was simple to fall into the role of mentor, to warn and guide and calm the child in his care. Merlin was just a teenager after all, and needed scolding every so often, reminding of what was at risk. Because he was clever and quick, but young and naive of such events that Gaius had seen in his long life. 

Above all, Merlin had brought light and meaning with him. Not that Gaius wasn't satisfied with his quiet life as Court Physician, talking with the king and treating various soldiers, but he didn't realise what he was missing until this bright boy appeared.

And now, so soon, the new purpose Gaius had embraced could be taken from him.

His expression turned fierce for a second, the decade-dormant magic in his old body suddenly trying to rear its golden head, wanting to help, to heal, like it used to be able to do. But even if he let it, there wasn't too much that could be done with the proper antidote for the poison. Merlin was dying and there was nothing to do.

Magic retreated, leaving sadness in its wake, and Gaius took a deep breath, bringing his hand with the cloth back to lay it back on the side of the bowl. He felt so useless. Which wasn't an emotion he was used to feeling. He was a physician, and a good one, and he always had a remedy or advice to try if there was a chance of life. But here, with someone so young being drained of that life right in front of him, the emotions he closed off to work professionally were being cracked by personal boundaries.

Gaius swallowed and physically shook his head a little, trying to dispel the thoughts that wanted to settle into his mind, the feeling of uselessness attempting to take over. He stood up and returned to the table, searching through medicines to find something that would ease the boy's state.

True, there wasn't anything to do or administer that would change the detoriation from the poison, but Gaius couldn't just sit and do nothing. 

He checked the bottles one by one, despite knowing all their effects and uses, but none jumped out as being particularly useful in this situation. He sighed and turned around in worry as Merlin suddenly took a sharp breath and started fidgeting again. Small mercy that his muttering was now practically inaudible, a mumbled mix of English and the Old Religion's tongue that was less likely to out his magic.

Taking relief where he could find it, Gaius allowed himself a moment to abate some of the fear that Merlin's secret may be revealed in his vulnerable state. He slowly sat down, on the stool this time, watching sadly as the boy turned his head slightly from side to side, yesterday's pain medication no doubt wearing off, if it had been any use in the first place.

Gaius pursed his lips and took the boy's hand again, pressing two fingers to the inside of the wrist and focusing. It took a moment for the pulse to register; it was weak and fast, as erratic as Merlin's breathing. His face was pale, sweat gathering on his forehead, lips beginning to get tinged grey from the ineffective panting as his body tried in vain to fight against the poison shutting it down. 

And failing. It was given, but seeing it happen was still difficult. Gaius turned his gaze back to Merlin's arm, feeling despair at the rash the stood out so clearly against light skin. It seemed like it was getting worse, and even if the antidote was given, Gaius had a suspicion that the red mark wouldn't disappear completely; likely it would scar, a stark reminder of what happened. Not that it would be forgotten by any of them any time soon.

Frowning at the odd pattern, Gaius abruptly stood and retrieved his magnifying glass from the book on the table. He retook the stool, grasping Merlin's arm again and pulling the sleeve up a little more in order to examine the rash closely.

Merlin's fidgeting increased, but he was so weak that Gaius easily kept hold of the limb even as the boy turned his head, breathing fast and murmuring occasionally. Gaius grimaced up at his pale face before focusing back on the arm, tracing the ring of marked skin through the magnifying glass with a sharp eye.

A short while later, the background noise of Merlin struggling was interrupted by the door opening, and Gaius reluctantly looked up, straightening himself to address Gwen as she walked into the room shaking her head.

"Let me guess: she wasn't there."

Gwen confirmed what Gaius had already assumed - the accused had fled after the deed was done. He somewhat hesitantly explained how 'Kara' was actually a powerful sorceress, and would be long gone. Then, he realised that not only did that show that she knew what she was doing, but also that she wasn't done.

He stood, suddenly very aware that Arthur had reportedly gone out alone in order to seek the cure. "Arthur could be walking into a trap."

A sound from the bed had both of them glancing down, to see Merlin turning his head and trying to mumble something. It sounded like 'Arthur', although how the boy's delirious mind could focus on something other than the raging fever was surprising.

But when the desperate murmuring became more half-hearted spells, Gaius looked nervously to the serving girl. Thankfully, Gwen met his eye with only worry for her friend, no suspicion in her gaze. Yet.

But Gaius wasn't waiting for it to become clearer. He turned to the table of medicines again, eyeing them with an amount of despair, since the contents hadn't changed since last look through. But something needed to be done. So Gaius headed for an illusive shelf on the other side of the room, abruptly determined to help in some way.

"What are you doing?" Gwen asked quietly, and Gaius glanced back at her, relenting. She was here, and clearly cared hugely for her new friend. She deserved to know at least what Gaius could reveal without endangering Merlin further.

He gave her a slight reassuring look before turning to the shelves, moving vials aside with small clinks as he searched. Carefully, he spotted what he was searching for and extended a steady hand to pull it out, carefully keeping it upright and not accidently pushing any other bottle off of the shelf.

Gaius faced the bed again, walking around to sit on the stool below Gwen. She watched over his shoulder in concern as he carefully opened the solution and held an applicator of sorts in the other hand. With a tremendous amount of care, Gaius kept his hands steady as he dipped the applicator in the thick substance and reached towards Merlin. He carefully put the applicator in the boy's mouth, coating the tincture on his tongue, then repeated the process, each time waiting patiently for Merlin to be still before attempting to administer the medicine.

As Gwen watched the gentle but firm way Gaius applied the solution for a third time, he spoke up as he withdrew his hand. "This is very strong, and I wouldn't usually use such a dangerous medicine, but it should make an impact," he said quietly, and carefully placed the lid back on to the vial. He stood and placed the glass and applicator on the table with the other common medicines, then resumed his seat and reached for the cloth in the bowl by the bed.

"That is all that was left, but hopefully it will be enough," he said grimly, folding the cloth in his hands and reaching to press it to Merlin's forehead. Gwen watched for a moment before walking around and sitting on the stool at the other side of the bed.

She eyed Merlin worriedly. He didn't seem any better, but she correctly assumed nothing would do much until the antidote.

"What should it do?" She asked as Gaius retreated his hand when Merlin twisted his head, muttering again, breathing fast and expression creasing as though trying to remember something. He looked worse from the short time she was out the room, sweat beginning to stain the front of his shirt in a V shape and glistening on his face.

Gaius sat in silence for a moment before answering. "It's a particular strain of Wolfsbane, which is usually a highly dangerous plant. When prepared carefully, it can be made into a tincture that should act to reduce acute fever," he explained, eyes on Merlin, fatherly concern clear in his expression. "But that was the last I had of the certain medicine," he added, and Gwen looked at the empty bottle he'd placed on the table behind, biting her lip. 

Of course, she completely trusted Gaius, as both guardian to Merlin and highly skilled physician. But also, how dangerous was a dangerous medicine if the patient was dying anyway?

They sat in silence aside from Merlin's fevered mumbling, Gaius gently putting the back of his fingers against a cheek before feeling the boy's forehead, and grimaced. He met Gwen's gaze as he straightened up, and she didn't need to see the worry in his eyes to know that even strong medicine wasn't working.

She sat, hands clasped, and watched sadly as Merlin continued to pant and move weakly under the blanket, the cloth useless in Gaius' hands as he mirrored her position, both just watching and waiting as their friend struggled in his delirium. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really trying to describe the actual episode scenes as little as I can bc that's the bits we do know, ha

**Author's Note:**

> It's true! I looked up herbs !! It may be 1am but I am dedicated to truth,, i will research medieval medicine at midnight for writing.


End file.
